God Loves Watching You Grow

I planted some Ranunculus bulbs a couple of weeks ago. They started sprouting at the end of last week. It has been so fun to see the fast growth. The amount of joy it has brought me is borderline ridiculous. I looked at the progress of their growth yesterday and thought, “Man, I love watching them grow!”
And then, I immediately had this thought- “God loves watching YOU grow.”
If I love caring for and watching these little seedlings, how much more does my Father in Heaven love caring for and watching me grow? I am but a seedling in my eternal growth.

I’ve always known I am a Child of God. But, sometimes the deep meaning of that doesn’t sink in.

God loves watching my faith grow. He loves it when I accept His care and His invitations. He loves it when I gain new insight. He loves it when I become stronger and learn something new from going through something hard.

So, it begs me to reflect and ask myself - what am I doing to grow? How am I cultivating my testimony plant? It requires daily nutrients, that’s for sure. I am working to become the beautiful flower God wants me to be. And it’s pretty cool to think that my journey of growth brings my Father in Heaven great joy.

A Pencil in God's Hand

I have often been amazed at how God works in our lives. Some of my greatest experiences have come through the callings (church assignments) I've had. 

Today I was asked to help the Relief Society President in my ward (I'm currently the first counselor) with something on my lunch break. There is a sister in our ward who had to go to the hospital suddenly last night. Her dog was alone in her apartment. In talking with the RS president, we weren't sure what we were going to do. Her dog would need care a few times a day for potentially a couple of weeks. We're in a singles' congregation -- full of working individuals. And - there's one key to her apartment that would have to be passed around. 

Miraculously, we found a lady (who's not in our congregation) who was willing to take the dog for however long needed. Her dogs recently passed away and their household is set up perfectly for dogs - a large yard, etc. This lady doesn't know myself, the sister in the hospital or our RS president. She had just seen a post on social media asking for help with the dog. I think the Spirit must have nudged her a bit. Who does that - takes someone else's dog they don't know without pay and takes care of them? When we dropped off the dog to the lady it was so apparent to me that God's hand was in this. 

God loves His Children. He takes care of them. He provides solutions to problems. I know it. I've seen it. 

Mother Theresa stated my feelings so well: “I’m like a little pencil in His hand. That’s all. He does the thinking. He does the writing. The pencil has nothing to do it. The pencil has only to be allowed to be used.”

It is amazing to be part of God's work - simply an instrument - and see His hand play out in amazing things. God is good. 

Promises of God

 Tonight I went for a drive to see the progress of the Orem Utah Temple construction. Shortly after I arrived, I noticed a beautiful rainbow forming. I thought it was very fitting. In temples, we learn of God’s eternal promises and we make promises, or covenants with God.  The rainbow is another promise from God. 

Genesis 9:15 says “And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh.” 

There are reminders of God’s love and His promises all around us. God is truly a loving God. I’m grateful for his gentle reminders that He loves me and that His promises will be fulfilled in His time.  

God's Loving Care

Every so often I feel like God gives me little "tender mercies" to show that He's there, He loves me and He cares for me. Today, I experienced one of those. 

This morning I had a doctor appointment about 25 minutes away from where I live. As I was walking out of the doctor's office after my appointment, I saw a friend sitting by the exit. She lives even further away than I do! I was so surprised to see her there. Neither of us live in the town where our doctors are at. It seemed so random to see her there! We chatted for a couple of minutes and then I was on my way. It was fun to see her. Such a fun "coincidence"

As I was traveling home on the freeway about 15 minutes into my drive traffic started to slow down abruptly. Soon, I heard sirens and saw the police cars coming. As I approached where an accident had occurred, it was obvious that it had happened just minutes earlier. They were blocking off lanes still, etc. And boy, those cars were really smashed. 

As I drove home the rest of the way I had the impression that it was definitely not a "coincidence" that I saw my friend at the doctor's office. She was placed perfectly by the exit so I'd see her and chat with her. If I had been on my way a couple of minutes earlier from that appointment, I don't doubt it could have been me in that accident.

When I prayed before I left my apartment this morning, I prayed for safety and protection as I traveled. God certainly answered that prayer. Grateful for His love, His care and Him placing us where we need to be at the very moment we need to be there. 

Neal A Maxwell said: 

None of us ever fully utilizes the people-opportunities allocated to us within our circles of friendship. You and I may call these intersectings “coincidence.” This word is understandable for mortals to use, but coincidence is not an appropriate word to describe the workings of an omniscient God. He does not do things by “coincidence” but instead by “divine design.”

I saw His "divine design" in my life today. 

Faith is for the Future

In the words of Thomas Rhett, “Ain't it funny how life changes?” I had to stop by my work's office today to take care of a few things. I really like working from home, but stopping by today sure made me miss life before Covid. Crazy it’s been almost a year! And then I stopped to see the temple progress. I miss my daily lunchtime walks here. I miss being able to worship inside here. But then I remembered a quote by Jeffrey R. Holland: “Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ truly is the “high priest of good things to come.” (From this talk.)Yes, nothing stays the same... and that’s ok. Better things are to come.

Waiting on the Lord

I gave a talk in church today for the first time in seven (!) years. It was actually really good for me to prepare this talk. I got to choose a conference talk from this most recent General Conference. I chose to speak on this talk. I was really touched by it. Thought I'd share my talk/thoughts on this blog. I know I have so many friends who are "waiting on the Lord" for various things too. My heart goes out to you all!

(I am part of a congregation of singles ages 31-45, f.y.i.)

******************

Waiting on the Lord. It’s something I both love and hate. I have studied about it a bit (I actually have a whole Pinterest board dedicated to it. Haha.) and I am living it. I think sometimes we dodge the topic publicly as midsingles. But, I’m grateful Elder Holland so wonderfully addressed it in his talk this last conference. I loved his remarks and have chosen to give my talk based on his. 

Waiting is something we can all relate to. He starts out his talk by talking about the pandemic and how we are all tired of it. It’s gone on way too long. How long will we have to wait for it to be over? 

And then he shifts to other challenges including: those who want to be married and aren’t, those whose marriages are struggling, those battling medical conditions, and emotional and mental health challenges. And then he mentions that there are large economic, political, and social concerns that confront us collectively. 

So, we have all of these challenges. And we pray so hard for them to be over. But sometimes, they aren’t over very fast. Sometimes we have to live through our trials. and some trials we have to live with.

Elder Holland talks about the fact that God wants our happiness and exaltation above everything else. So, if this is the case, why doesn’t He provide a miracle and relief from our waiting? He says, “Yes, God can provide miracles instantaneously, but sooner or later we learn that the times and seasons of our mortal journey are His and His alone to direct.” He administers that calendar to every one of us individually. For every infirm man healed instantly as he waits to enter the Pool of Bethesda,3 someone else will spend 40 years in the desert waiting to enter the promised land.4 For every Nephi and Lehi divinely protected by an encircling flame of fire for their faith,5 we have an Abinadi burned at a stake of flaming fire for his.6 And we remember that the same Elijah who in an instant called down fire from heaven to bear witness against the priests of Baal is the same Elijah who endured a period when there was no rain for years and who, for a time, was fed only by the skimpy sustenance that could be carried in a raven’s claw."

What I’ve come to learn from these examples as well as experiences in my own life, is that it doesn’t always make sense. Why do some people get miracles and others don’t? I think what it comes down to is there are lessons for each of us to learn in the various experiences we have. There are lessons to be learned when we are instantaneously granted a miracle. There are lessons to be learned when we wait. 

C.S. Lewis said, “I am sure that God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait. When you do enter your room, you will find that the long wait has done you some kind of good which you would not have had otherwise.”

I’ve had several experiences with waiting in my life. Sometimes I feel like that’s always God’s answer. Like, I’m about to cross the sidewalk and I push the button and hear blaring at me, “wait!” 

There was a period of time in my life when I was waiting for a good job. In total, I was job hunting for three years. I had countless interviews. I sought help and perfected my resume. I had experience. I had connections. There was no logical sense as to why I could not find a good job. But, looking back on it, God needed me to wait so I could learn from that experience. I learned to rely on Him. I learned to be humble. I learned that so many people were so kind and wanting and willing to help me in my trial. And, one of the biggest blessings - I was able to relate to a sister in my ward who was job hunting as well. She’s now one of my best friends. 

Another personal experience - one I think we can all relate to - I’ve had to wait to find my eternal companion. When I was younger, I always envisioned myself getting married in my early twenties and certainly have tons of kids by my thirties. I never thought I’d STILL be single in my thirties. But, as I’ve thought about it, there have been many blessings while I wait for this blessing. I have made friends I otherwise would not have met, I have been able to spend a lot of time alone with God and develop my relationship with him, I’ve been able to spend more time with my parents, I’ve been able to see and experience the world in ways that I could not if I were married. And, I’m grateful for that. 

There are so many blessings that come from waiting. I love this quote by John Maxwell, “God prepares leaders in a crockpot, not a microwave. More important than the awaited goal is the work God does in us while we wait. Waiting deepens and matures us, levels our perspective, and broadens our understanding. Tests of time determine whether we can endure seasons of seemingly unfruitful preparation, and indicate whether we can recognize and seize the opportunities that come our way.”

I don’t know about you all, but I feel like I’m fully cooked and burnt at this point in that crockpot! But, I love that. Waiting changes us and provides opportunities. 

One of the blessings of waiting, I’ve learned is that we have to rely on God and our faith is strengthened. Elder Holland says, “faith means trusting God in good times and bad, even if that includes some suffering until we see His arm revealed in our behalf. That can be difficult in our modern world when many have come to believe that the highest good in life is to avoid all suffering, that no one should ever anguish over anything. But that belief will never lead us to “the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ.”

Ultimately, the biggest blessing of waiting on the Lord is that it will prepare us to be who our Father in Heaven needs us to be. Elder Holland says, “one’s life … cannot be both faith-filled and stress-free.” It simply will not work “to glide naively through life,” saying as we sip another glass of lemonade, “Lord, give me all thy choicest virtues, but be certain not to give me grief, nor sorrow, nor pain, nor opposition. Please do not let anyone dislike me or betray me, and above all, do not ever let me feel forsaken by Thee or those I love. In fact, Lord, be careful to keep me from all the experiences that made Thee divine. And then, when the rough sledding by everyone else is over, please let me come and dwell with Thee, where I can boast about how similar our strengths and our characters are as I float along on my cloud of comfortable Christianity.”

I was really struck by that. Wow. I think we have to have an eternal perspective in our waiting. We can’t have it easy and expect to become like our Savior. I think it will be joyous on the other side when we unite with others and share our experiences from this life - experiences of waiting, learning, growing and trusting. The experiences that made us who we are and more like our Savior. 

I think it’s easy to view our trials and our waiting with such a limited perspective. In the eternal scheme of things our waiting is for a small moment. 

I love in Elder Holland’s talk he refers to the experience Joseph Smith had in Liberty Jail. The prophet cried out, “O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?” (D&C 121:1.)

 

Side note - what struck me in this is that it’s ok to sometimes ask, “O God, where are thou?” and sometimes we feel like God has forsaken us. A prophet felt this way. 

But, Heavenly Father gave this reassuring response” 

“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.” (D&C 121:7–8.)

I am so grateful to know that in the grand scheme of things our waiting is but a small moment. And those things that we have had to wait so patiently for will one day be ours. 

I want to close by sharing the lyrics from a beautiful song by Rob Gardner titled, “Sometime We’ll Understand.” I recommend looking it up and listening to it. But, here are the lyrics. 

Not now, but in the coming years,

It may not be when we demand,

We'll read the meaning of our tears,

And there, sometime, we'll understand

Why what we long for most of all

Eludes our open, pleading hand;

Why ever silence meets our call,

Somewhere, sometime, we'll understand.

So trust in God through all thy days;

Fear not, for He doth hold thy hand;

Though dark thy way, still sing and praise,

Sometime, sometime we'll understand.

Sometime, we'll fall on bended knee,

And feel there, graven on His hand

Sometime with tearless eyes we'll see

What, here, we could not understand.

So trust in God through all the days;

Fear not, for He doth hold thy hand;

Though dark thy way, still sing and praise,

Sometime, sometime we'll understand.

I know that sometime we'll understand why we've had to wait for the things we want most. God has a plan for each of us. Sometimes that involves waiting. Lots of waiting. But, that waiting will help us become who He needs us to be.

In Every Change

I love this time of year. And, when I say I love it, I mean I LOVE it. So. Much! I love the beautiful colors most of all. Although I'm not a fan of cold weather, I do love the crisp, chilly fall air. Change is in the air.

Change can be a beautiful thing. This year has been a year of change for me. I feel like that has been God's lesson for me - learn from change. I'm still working on figuring out what lessons I'm supposed to learn from change. Apparently I'm supposed to learn something because I've felt that every corner I turn this year a new change has appeared! It's been a recurring theme in my life. For the longest time, my life felt stagnant. It felt like nothing was changing and nothing was going to change. Well, turns out, it does happen!

January of this year brought some change right off. At the beginning of the year, the prophet and president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints passed away. This resulted in a change in leadership.

Shortly thereafter in January, I was offered and accepted a new job. This was such a prayed for and longed for change.

I've already changed desk locations at my work (ok, small thing, but still!). And, over the summer, my boss announced he was asked to head up another department. I was completely devastated over this (truly). I really love my boss. This change has been a long process. They just hired my boss' replacement, who starts at the end of this month. I think Heavenly Father knew I needed months to process this, which has helped.

My church congregation changed from having Sacrament Meeting first, to having it as the last meeting earlier this year. Small thing, but not a huge fan of this change. Hoping it'll change back with the new schedule. Which is another change. Recently, it was announced that church will now be 2 hours instead of 3 (which is a VERY welcomed change!).

Also at church this year, my congregation got a new Bishopric. I also was given a new calling (service assignment), which has been such a great thing for me.

Also this year, I got a new roommate. The person she replaced is one of my very best friends. I was not expecting her to move out. This change was really unexpected and hard for me. It came about the same time I was getting a new boss and new Bishop as well.

All of the above events are things that have happened without me doing a thing. Which, I've been reminded that God is in control. He's over it all.

However, I have been proactive in making intentional changes in a few areas of my life this year, which has been awesome. I started going to the gym in the morning sometimes. That's huge for me. I'm good at working out in the evening, but going in the morning is a huge struggle.

I've also been reading more books. I'm trying to be more productive. I've really enjoyed learning about others' lives by reading biographies and memoirs.

Another recent change I am in the process of making is spending less time on social media. I'm currently participating in a 10-day social media fast. The women of my church were encouraged to do this by the prophet. So far, it has proven to be a great change. When I do return to social media, I plan to spend less time there.

I guess I can sum this all up by saying change can be a beautiful thing. Yes, it can be hard. But, we're meant to learn, grow, and stretch. I have learned that God is always there. I love the lyrics of the hymn, "Be Still My Soul," which say, "Leave to thy God to order and provide; in every change he faithful will remain."

Can't wait to see what amazing changes He has in store for my life in the future!

Waiting for Pearls

Yesterday, I got a real pearl here in Hawaii, straight from the oyster. Some sales guy lured me in with a good deal. :) I picked the oyster and watched him open it and take the pearl out. He told me it probably took about 4 years for that pearl to form.

When I got back to where we’re staying, I did some research on pearls. I learned that pearls form when an irritant enters the oyster. Pearls develop “nacre,” or luster.  The longer they are in the shell, the more beautiful the nacre. Couldn’t help but think of the profound symbolism of this all.  

Sometimes we’re in a “shell,” and God keeps putting irritants in our lives (trials). But the longer we have to wait, the more beautiful we will be. This year has been all about that. I had to wait a few years for a certain blessing in my life and there were many irritants the past few years, but God has blessed me with something so beautiful. I feel like he has blessed me with so many pearls this year. I hope that I have more nacre/luster because of the irritants that have helped me develop. 

Warmer Days Ahead

It snowed a ton here last night and this morning. It's March 4th and I am REALLY ready for spring. Nothing makes me question my life choices (of moving back to Utah) like snow in March. (Just kidding, snow in May does. ;) )

A phrase has repeatedly come to mind recently. It's this: 

"...winter will surely give way to the warmth and hope of a new spring." (Dieter F. Uchtdorf)

I'm really grateful for that truth. No matter how long the cold, dark, bitter, winter - spring WILL come. No matter how many crazy bitter storms, warmer days ARE ahead. It's a truth we know. We know spring will come after winter. 

I've thought about this truth in life. I've experienced it. Some seasons last longer than others. My "winter" of job hunting lasted three years. There were some bitter, cold, dark days during those years. But deep down, I did know that spring comes after winter. I knew my winter would end. I knew (and still know) that the sun always comes out. (Read this post here.)

And, even in the midst of cold winters, we can find beauty. As much as I really dislike winter, I love the glistening snow on the trees. It's beautiful. We can find beauty in the "winters" of our lives. 

After winter comes new life. Things come alive again. There's so much hope in this knowledge. As cheesy as it is, after job hunting for three years and now having a new job, I feel alive again. I feel like a new person. 

Spring is symbolic of rebirth and renewal - specifically our Savior. I'm grateful for Him who is the hope of all things. Because of Him the winters of our lives WILL end and warmer days are ahead. If you are struggling, I can promise you that things will get better. 

"...bad days come to an end, that faith always triumphs, and that heavenly promises are always kept." (Jeffrey R. Holland)

In God's Time

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." (Ecc. 3:1)

Tonight as I was cleaning out some papers, I came across a folder with a job description in it. Now, over the past three years I have printed out A LOT of job descriptions in preparation for interviews I've had. This one, though, is particularly special. It's for a job I interviewed for a year ago. 

The job was for an opening with Deseret Digital Media. I had two interviews. I felt really good about it. I really thought I was going to get the job. But, I was crushed when I learned that they had given it to an internal candidate. I moved on, but honestly, that job was still in the back of my mind. 

Fast forward to this past December. I saw the job posted again. I was so excited! I was determined. I wanted that job! I had my roommate forward my resume on to someone who knew someone. Within a few days, as I was sitting at work, I got a text from the person I had interviewed with a year ago. He wanted to talk to me right then. Ahh! I went out to my car and we had a good phone chat. He remembered me. 

I had a couple of in person interviews after that. There was some time in between all of these and it was KILLING me. I prayed SO hard for this job. I had an ARMY of people praying for me, too. One day before one of the interviews, as I was sitting at my desk, I had the thought - "bring donuts to the interview." It was the funniest thing. But, I totally did it. And the team I interviewed with loved it. So, when I say I did all I possibly could to get this job - I really mean it. 

The night before I was to find out if I got the job, I struggled. I was so done. I just felt like I couldn't do it any more. I couldn't handle one more rejection and one more day at my current job. I received a priesthood blessing that night and that brought me a ton of peace. 

The next day I got the amazing news that I got the job. It is such an incredible blessing for which I am so, so grateful. 

The past three years have been very challenging. I was prompted to move back to Utah and I guess I thought things would just fall into place. But, they didn't. But, I remember when I felt prompted to move back, I had the thought that it was so I could "grow." I must say, I have definitely grown. 

God has His time. Rejection and after rejection, I wondered what was wrong with me. I wondered why I stunk at interviews. But, honestly, somewhere in the middle of my job hunt, I really felt that it wasn't me - it was God's time. I do know that's true. When we do the very best we can, He makes up the difference and He makes things happen in His time. 

A few years ago as I was driving home from work in Arizona, I heard a song that I've come to love - "In God's Time," by Randy Houser (go look it up). Some of the lyrics I love: 

Oh, but no one knows
Not you or me
It might be tomorrow or it might never be
Oh, but don't lose faith
Put it in His hands
'Cause it might be that He might have a bigger plan
Than you had in mind
Miracles happen
In God's time

Miracles DO happen in God's time. For whatever reason, this job wasn't right a year ago, but now it is. I SO look forward to the future. There is happiness ahead. 

There are a lot of things I don't know. But, I do know God is real. He's there. He cares. He wants to bless us. Sometimes He makes us wait A LONG time (I'm still still waiting on that certain blessing ;)

...). But there's so much learning and growth that comes from waiting. 

I'm extremely grateful to all of the people who reached out to me in kindness during my trial of job hunting. It has been so humbling. It has made me want to be kinder and more thoughtful. And, I truly believe (and hope) that one day I'll use this experience and what I've learned to help others. 

God is good. The best is yet to come. 

Keep Dreamin'

Seemed like an appropriate picture - as it's such a dreamy scene. :) 

The other day as I was sitting at my desk at work having a moment when I just wondered if my life will ever change, the following phrase entered my mind:

"Keep your eyes on your dreams." 

It comes from a talk by Jeffrey R. Holland. And there's more. More goodness. :) He says:

"Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant and far away."

I have dreams. I have big dreams. I dream of having my own family - of having a husband and children. I dream of having my own home - of not having to label my food after 14 years of roommates. ;) I dream of having my own photography business on the side while I raise my kids. Yes, I have dreams. And, at times they seem VERY distant and far away. 

But, I know God doesn't want me to give up hope. I know that He's a God of miracles. 

I am grateful for my Savior, who will make it all possible. These words have been very comforting to me the past few years: 

I believe in Christ; he stands supreme!
From him I’ll gain my fondest dream;
And while I strive through grief and pain,
His voice is heard: “Ye shall obtain.”

I know it's true. And so, my friends, let's not give up. Keep dreaming. Keep believing. Even if those dreams seem SO far away. 

I am grateful for a loving Savior and Father in Heaven who remind me when I'm going through "grief and pain" that one day I WILL obtain. 

Be Kind.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle you know nothing about."

#LightTheWorld today is about comforting those who need comfort and mourning with those who mourn. This saying has been on my mind. I'm not perfect and it's so easy to focus inward. But when I see others this way- as if they have a battle they are fighting- my whole perspective changes. Maybe the guy who honked at me this morning was late to his important meeting at work. Maybe the store owner I work with who is completely rude to me is dealing with deep personal pain. I don't know. But God does. And it's my job to love them no matter the case. Maybe they need my comfort. As hard as that is sometimes.

Seek the Light

This past weekend I attended a conference with 7,000 women. That's right SEVEN THOUSAND. There were so many women they had to turn the men's bathroom into a women's and there were still long lines for both!

I've been wanting to attend Time Out For Women for years. But, it's never worked out. Didn't have the money, was busy that weekend, or couldn't find someone to come. This year, I decided to just go. And I'm so glad I did. I am a better person because of it. 

The messages were all about light. Light in this crazy world of darkness. Sheri Dew said, "seek the light so you can be the light." I love that. Cade Cheney, a blogger, talked about a trial he went through for nearly two years. I'm actually going through a similar trial and for about the same amount of time and could really relate to his words. He said at that dark time of his life he felt God say to him, "Just hold on and look for the light in the darkness." 

All of this talk of light really got me thinking. This year has been the hardest of my life. And I absolutely know the only way I have gotten through it is because of light in my life, in the following ways: 

The light of the Gospel 
There is a hymn in the LDS hymn book that really sums up how I feel about this: 
1. The Lord is my light; then why should I fear?
By day and by night his presence is near.
He is my salvation from sorrow and sin;
This blessed assurance the Spirit doth bring.

2. The Lord is my light; tho clouds may arise,
Faith, stronger than sight, looks up thru the skies
Where Jesus forever in glory doth reign.
Then how can I ever in darkness remain?

3. The Lord is my light; the Lord is my strength.
I know in his might I’ll conquer at length.
My weakness in mercy he covers with pow’r,
And, walking by faith, I am blest ev’ry hour.

4. The Lord is my light, my all and in all.
There is in his sight no darkness at all.
He is my Redeemer, my Savior, and King.
With Saints and with angels his praises I’ll sing.
Text: James Nicholson, 1828–1876

I can't imagine going through life/trials without the help of my Savior. I have been carried by Him. When I've been tired, stressed and worn out - somehow, I'm able to go on and push through. When I want to quit, I know I can make it because He will help me. The Gospel of Jesus Christ has brought so much light and happiness into my life - this year especially. 

The light of friends
I've been pondering lately how extremely grateful I am for friends. What a lonely life I'd live without them. God has blessed me so much with incredible people in my life. As I look back at this past year, it's amazing to me how God has placed people in my path to brighten my days. I can tell you of a handful of times when I've been somewhere and I run into an old friend I haven't seen in years. Coincidence? I think not. I know God has know that I needed that in my life. He knows that makes me happy and will bring sunshine into my life. I am grateful for friends who care, who listen, who make me laugh when I need laughs the most, and for friends who randomly think of me and send me a text. 

The light of family 
I have to admit, my first thought here are my nieces and nephews. They have been an incredible light in my life this year. I can't tell you how much joy and happiness it has brought me to just feel of their genuine love - the pure love of Christ. I love their laughs, their smiles, their kisses, their hugs, their kind words. It brings so much light into my life. It has been what I've needed on the darkest of days.

The light of music 
Another thing that has brought incredible light into my life this year has been good music. I feel closer to God through it. I feel more peace in my life. Work is stressful for me and good music has brought tremendous peace. 


I know that it is possible to have light in our lives, even when our lives are crazy. Even when the world is full of so much hatred and darkness. It isn't easy, but it's possible. And life is better when have light in it. 

Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, 

"There may be some among you who feel darkness encroaching upon you. You may feel burdened by worry, fear, or doubt. To you and to all of us, I repeat a wonderful and certain truth: God’s light is real. It is available to all! It gives life to all things.1 It has the power to soften the sting of the deepest wound. It can be a healing balm for the loneliness and sickness of our souls. In the furrows of despair, it can plant the seeds of a brighter hope. It can enlighten the deepest valleys of sorrow. It can illuminate the path before us and lead us through the darkest night into the promise of a new dawn."

I totally know that's true. I've felt it in my life this year. I'm so grateful for light in my life which gives me strength to move forward every day. 

I also want to strive to be a light in other's lives. I know I can work on that. I'm super excited for an initiative by the LDS Church coming up this Christmas season called, "Light the World." There are some awesome ideas and ways we can bring light into other's lives. 

The God I Know

This weekend I took a little road trip by myself to Twin Falls, Idaho - three hours from Salt Lake. It was amazing. I had been tired and stressed and needed some serious rejuvenation and pondering time. I really just needed to get away and spend some time alone and with God. 


I got into town and headed straight for Shoshone Falls. I climbed down the stairs to a little viewing area and was immediately overcome. It was spectacular. Pictures don't do it justice. An incredible feeling came over me. It was like God was there with me saying, "Look at this! Look! I love you. I've created this beautiful earth for you!" I was the only one around when I first got there and it was perfect.

The next day I spent some time in the Twin Falls Idaho Temple. Gorgeous as well. There is a mural of Shoshone Falls in one the rooms, which I loved. I had a special experience there where I felt God's love.

I did a variety of other things on my trip - enjoyed good food, swam in the pool, relaxed in the hot tub, went shopping. It was so good. There are some things that totally stink about being single. My solo trips are not one of them. 

I've spent some time this weekend thinking about God. Who is the God I know? Because honestly, sometimes I feel forsaken. I know I'm not. I know I'm incredibly blessed with so much. But it's easy to fall into the trap. It's easy to, for a split second, feel like God doesn't love you when year after year you're just not getting what you most desire and what you're praying fervently for. 

But I know God is real. He's there. I do know He loves me. I know He has a plan. I don't know why life seems unfair at times. I'm not sure why a friend my same age has six kids and I struggle to get a date. I'm not sure why a friend of mine was taken earlier this year and I get to live and enjoy this beautiful earth. That doesn't seem fair.

For a while now I've been praying for answers. I've been praying for guidance for my life. And nothing has seemingly come. The answer has always been, "Wait. Hold on. Endure." Sometimes that IS the answer. Sometimes we just don't want to hear that AGAIN. But that's where faith comes in. That's where we have to trust that God knows what's ahead. We may not understand why our prayers don't seem to be answered, but God has a purpose. 

And so, sometimes we just have to keep on keepin' on. The words of Jeffrey R. Holland come to mind, "Hope on. Journey on. Honestly acknowledge your questions and your concerns, but first and forever fan the flame of your faith, because all things are possible to them that believe."

The God I know doesn't forsake His children. The God I know loves His children SO much. And one day, however far away that day may seem, He'll bless us beyond our wildest dreams. 

When God Doesn't Move the Mountains

I've learned a hard, but important lesson over the past two years of my life. It's this: sometimes God doesn't move the "mountains" in our lives. He can, but sometimes He doesn't. 

Sometimes we pray with all of our might. Sometimes we've got an army of friends and family praying for us too. And still, the mountain is there. 

Sometimes we just have to climb up that mountain. And it's so dang hard. And so dang long. It seems so insurmountable. 

But I can tell you this - yes, sometimes God doesn't move the mountain, but He's certainly there climbing it with us every step of the way. 

I've had a "mountain" in my life the past two years. Actually, I've had a few mountains. It's been the hardest time of my life. But, I have to say I've NEVER felt God closer. I've never felt closer to Him. I've never had to rely on Him as much as I have had to now. I've never had to trust Him more. I've never known more that I can't do it on my own. (Don't get me wrong - there have been nights my pillow has been wet with tears because I've wondered where in the world God is and why He hasn't come through. But, I've worked through those moments and realized that He really Has been with me.)

Sometimes God doesn't move the mountains because that would be too easy for us. If He'd moved the mountains for me a year ago, would I have spent hours pouring diligently over His words and praying all of my heart out to Him, pleading with Him this past year? Maybe to a certain extent, but definitely not to THIS extent. If He'd moved that mountain would I be as strong as I am now? No, I certainly wouldn't. He wants us to grow. And sometimes that means climbing mountains for years. 

I haven't reached the top yet, but I feel like I'm getting closer. And I know when I do, the view will be absolutely incredible. 

I can do hard things

This weekend I've been thinking a lot about my pioneer ancestors. I spent some time at the cemetery where many of them are buried and have been reading some of their stories. 

They went through SO much. I learned recently that one of them froze to death after they arrived here in Utah. They also suffered much hardship on the plains- lack of food, mobs in Nauvoo, sickness, death of family and friends, and on and on. I really have a special place in my heart for them. Despite all of this, they keep their eyes on their goal of reaching their destination and they did so with faith and trust in God.

While I can't fully comprehend what they went through, and my trials differ from theirs in many ways, there's one thing that has really resonated with me especially lately. It's this: they did hard things and so I can I. 

They had faith in their trials and so can I. They pressed forward not knowing what was in store and so can I.

Elder M. Russell Ballard said: 

"The Lord isn’t asking us to load up a handcart; He’s asking us to fortify our faith. He isn’t asking us to walk across a continent; He’s asking us to walk across the street to visit our neighbor. He isn’t asking us to give all of our worldly possessions to build a temple; He’s asking us to give of our means and our time despite the pressures of modern living to continue to build temples and then to attend regularly the temples already built. He isn’t asking us to die a martyr’s death; He’s asking us to live a disciple’s life."

I love that. My challenges are different today, but they are still challenges God's asking me to go through. Life has been hard lately (or so I think. I know my challenges could always be so much worse.) I'm so grateful for the heritage I have. I look to the pioneers as examples of strength and endurance. God wants me to be strong and have faith, just as my ancestors did. 

I can do hard things. 

Live More Fully, Love More Deeply

Tomorrow marks 6 months since my beautiful friend passed away. Gosh, I miss her. I miss our deep chats about life and the Gospel over Chick-fil-a. I miss her texts. I just miss her.  She was such a strength to me. Although she's gone, I know she's actually not far away. I think of her often. Her life and her passing have made me appreciate the simple things that get taken for granted. I'm blessed to experience this life. I'm blessed to breathe on my own, to walk, to run, to hike, to drive to the store on my own when I want. So many things she wasn't able to do. Life is a precious gift. I want to live it more fully and love more deeply because of Brittany Trevino. How grateful I am to know she's in a better place and because of our Savior I can one day see her again.

I'll go where you want me to go

Over two years ago, I made the choice to move back to Utah after being prompted to do so. It was not easy. From January to September, I was job hunting and figuring out how it'd work out. Finally, in September, I felt it was time to just go. Although I knew all of the good reasons to go, I struggled with it so much. I'd be leaving behind friends and family, snowless weather and a good job with an awesome company. 

On my way to church one Sunday, I made a deal with Heavenly Father. I told Him, "Ok, Heavenly Father, if we sing "I'll go where you want me to go" in church today, then I'll do this. I'll move back to Utah." Well, I couldn't contain the tears as we sang "I'll go where you want me to go" in Sacrament meeting that day.

Since that time, it's really hit me that that hymn says, "I'll go where YOU want me to go," not, "I'll go where I want ME to go." I've had to remind myself of that often. Because my vision and His vision were different. 

I ended up in Salt Lake City. I did not want to move here. I wanted to stay in Utah County or end up in St. George. On my way out the door to move my things, I told my Mom, "I don't want to do this." 

Sometimes God makes us do things we don't want to do. I've pondered that fact quite a bit. There are plenty of examples in the scriptures of people who are asked to do things they don't want to do. 

Why does God make us go places we don't want to go? I'm still figuring that out. But over the past year, I've learned that a huge reason is so we'll grow. I've been stretched in ways I never thought possible this past year. This has hands down been the hardest year of my life. I've been humbled (and am still being humbled) to the core. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm on a wild ride and I'm just hanging on for dear life! I never could have planned a lot of this. This weekend I moved to another place here in Salt Lake. This came out of nowhere. I was not planning on moving at all.  Let's just say, I'm not very fond of moving. But this opportunity was presented and well, here I am. Moving yet again. It's reminded me that while I do have my agency, I am not the one in control here. God does have a plan and even though I feel lost at times, one day it'll all make sense and come together. Neal A. Maxwell said, "What, therefore, may seem now to be mere unconnected pieces of tile will someday, when we look back, take form and pattern, and we will realize that God was making a mosaic. For there is in each of our lives this kind of divine design, this pattern, this purpose that is in the process of becoming, which is continually before the Lord but which for us, looking forward, is sometimes perplexing."

I don't have all the answers. But I know God has a plan. I know that He wants us to be humble. It isn't an easy thing to align our will with His. But, it's the best thing to do. I'm working on remembering that God is the one in control. One of my favorite scriptures says, "Wherefore, brethren, seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all his works." (Jacob 4:10)

So here I am in Salt Lake City, Utah. I should mention that while this has been the hardest year of my life, there's so much good that has happened since living here. I've met incredible people. I recently started attending the Midsingles Ward (congregation) and it has been the best experience for me. I've finally felt that that's where I'm supposed to be. I look forward to seeing what God has in store for me there. I love being so close to the mountains here that I can go on a hike with friends after work. I've also developed a greater love for Temple Square and the history there. So much good. And it's not all about me. God needs me here. Perhaps to help someone else. Who knows. But I'm here because God wants me to be here. As hard as it is, I'm learning to trust Him and go where He wants me to go. 

It may not be on the mountain height

Or over the stormy sea,

It may not be at the battle’s front

My Lord will have need of me.

But if, by a still, small voice he calls

To paths that I do not know,

I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:

I’ll go where you want me to go.