Those Who Want To Improve

So, I hate commuting. It's rough. But I can't deny how awesome it has been to spend two hours a day listening to church talks and the scriptures, inspiring music and or pondering. (Ok, and daydreaming. Some of that time is definitely daydreaming. Good thing I'm still a safe driver.)

One thing that has been on my mind a lot lately is:
"The Lord blesses those who want to improve."
(Jeffrey R. Holland, "Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders Among You," April 2016.)

I've realized I fall into that category. I think that's one of my biggest desires. (I mean, we're here to grow and progress, right?) I haven't realized it as much as I have lately, thanks to the Spirit enlightening me and kind of saying, "Hey, that's you."

As I mentioned in the last post, I want to be perfect. And I am not. I realize so much that I am not. Sometimes I leave church feeling so overwhelmed at how much I need to improve and be better at. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and get so sad that I am not what I want to be. I am not where I want to be with my weight. I am not the sister, daughter and friend I want to be. I am not as smart as I want to be. I want to be better in so many ways.

Good thing Heavenly Father loves me. And good thing the desire to improve is a good one. And thank goodness for the Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ, which covers all inadequacies and imperfections. I am forever grateful for that.

Sometimes we need to stop and look at how far we've come. A few years ago I made the decision to improve my health. The picture on the left was me at my heaviest - 35 pounds heavier than I am today - the picture on the right. I'd say that's an improvement! I'd say Heavenly Father is happy with how far I've come. (I couldn't have done it without His help.)

I've come so far in my spiritual progression in the past few years too. I've improved in a lot of ways. But somehow, satan gets me to focus on everything I am not.

I'm thankful for the Spirit's gentle nudges and reminders of how far I have come and how I am doing ok. It's ok I'm not perfect today. I've just got to do my best and keep moving forward.

As Elder Holland said,

Keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever.

Perfectly Imperfect

I've now finished week 3 of commuting. It takes about an hour each way. So, needless to say, I've been spending a lot of time in the car.

While I am not a fan of sitting in traffic, these long drives have provided me ample time to ponder.

One thing I've been thinking about lately is this quote:

I've finally realized something about myself. I want to be perfect! Yup. I do. There's nothing wrong with that, but it is a problem to want perfection NOW. Or, I want to put things off until I am perfect. 

For example, I've recently realized that I have been telling myself I don't think I can get married until things are perfect in my life. Until I am at the perfect weight, until I've finally paid off my car and my student loan, until I've overcome my weaknesses, and so forth. What a flawed idea! No one is perfect! Elder Hales said, "we don't marry perfection, we marry potential." So, I hope one day (preferably sooner rather than later) an imperfect guy will come along and see my potential. And then we can continue to work on improving ourselves. 

Back to the Elder Nelson quote. This is so important. We are our own worst critics. Guess what? It's ok that we're not perfect right now. We can't be too hard on ourselves. Satan wants us to. But recognizing his influence is important. We need to remember that we are children of God with weaknesses and shortcomings. We can become better day after day through the enabling power of the Atonement. And one day in the far far future, because of our Savior we can become the perfect beings we so much want to become. Until then, let's be patient with ourselves and with each other.

Hallelujah!

Hallelujah! I can't think of a better word to describe this Easter season. After 15 months of job hunting (6 of them back in Utah without a job)- which included hundreds upon hundreds of applications, some interviews and hundreds of rejections- I got a job. In fact, I have been blessed with two jobs. I have been so humbled and am so grateful.

I know it is only because of my Savior's grace and mercy. I am weak on my own. I am nothing on my own. I have come to know my Savior more intimately the past few months. I have felt alone and rejected. I have come to know that He knows my pain. He knows what it is like to want so badly to know the Father's will and then be blessed to have courage to accept it.

I know He lives. The following words have meant a lot to me:

He lives to grant me rich supply.

He lives to guide me with his eye.

He lives to comfort me when faint.

He lives to hear my soul's complaint.

He lives to silence all my fears.

He lives to wipe away my tears.

He lives to calm my troubled heart.

He lives all blessings to impart

(From the hymn, "I Know That My Redeemer Lives.") 

 Christ is real. He is my friend. The enabling power of the atonement is real. I'm so grateful for all He has done and continues to do for me. 

Temple Blessings

Went here today. Got home and checked my email and voicemail to find two interview invitations. It's not like that's happening every day (I wish)! You can't tell me the blessings of this place aren't real. They are! (They don't always come that way, but today they did.) In addition to that, I must mention the peace and comfort I feel here. It's real!

I can't believe tomorrow marks 5 months since I quit my job. This was never my plan. I've always known I need to have another job before I quit the one I have. At least, that's the logical thing to do. But when God tells you to do something, you do it. I know it's crazy and at times I truly doubt. But, I try to hold on to the faith I have. I've grown much closer to God the past few months because I have had to rely on Him. And I have been amazed to see how He has taken care of me.

Eyes to See

Last week I went to Salt Lake to get together with a friend. As I was riding back on the train, I had some time to ponder. My thoughts were filled with my worries and trials I am dealing with right now. 

And then, I had a powerful, humbling experience. I saw a blind man exit the train. That was it. But, it changed my perspective completely. We are all given trials that we need to learn and grow. But suddenly, my trials didn't seem too bad. I can't imagine how hard this man's life is. I'm sure he's learned to cope, but it can't be easy. 

I was filled with gratitude. Gratitude that I can see (and walk, talk, hear). I can see the beautiful sunset. I can see the smiles on my nieces and nephews faces. I can see the beautiful mountains. I can see where I am walking. I can drive. I can take pictures of this beautiful earth. The blessing to be able to see is incredible. It's one that should never be taken for granted. 

This experience made me realize I should be grateful for the trials I have. Life could always, always be worse. 

I had those thoughts and then got off at my stop and drove home where I immediately had a couple of (small) trying experiences. I dropped my phone as soon as I got out of the car and the screen shattered. But, I picked it up and I took the picture above anyway. Sometimes I see through shattered glass, but I can see. And life is still beautiful. 

A Plan For Me

Today at church I took my nephew for a walk in the church building. As we were walking down the hall and approached the primary room (classroom for the kids), I saw written on the chalkboard, “My Heavenly Father has a plan for my life.” I know this was meant for whatever lesson the kids were having, but I was really touched. I had been praying and fasting today to know that God DOES have a plan for my life. Because, sometimes, it's a struggle to remember that. There was my answer - written out right in front of me. It was a really special experience. Sometimes answers from God aren't as clear. Sometimes, they're right in front of our face. God is real. Pray, he is there. Speak, he is listening.

Who I'm Most Thankful For

I've had a lot of time to think about Thanksgiving this year, because well, I've had more time on my hands. While I'd love to have a job (which I do need pretty soon here...), I am grateful for this precious downtime I've had.
 
Anyway, I've been thinking about my many, many blessings. And, I've decided there's one thing, well, one person I am MOST grateful for. It is my Savior Jesus Christ.
 
I don't give Him the credit He deserves. He has done so much for me. And sometimes I am prideful and stubborn and fail to remember and recognize Him. So, I'm going to try to do better at that.
 
I am so grateful for all He has done for me. Without His love and sacrifice, there'd be no hope for me. I am not perfect. At all. I fall short in so many ways. But because of His Atonement, one day I can be perfect. And I can be forgiven of my sins.
 
I am extremely grateful that He knows EXACTLY how I feel in any given situation. Whatever I've felt, He's felt too. Whatever pain I've experienced, He's experienced it too. It had to be this way. This is so He could truly be the Savior of the world. I love this quote by President Thomas S. Monson:
 

Only the Master knows the depths of our trials, our pain, and our suffering. He alone offers us eternal peace in times of adversity. He alone touches our tortured souls with His comforting words:

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

“For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  

(“I WILL NOT FAIL THEE, NOR FORSAKE THEE”)

I love my Savior. I'm so grateful for the love He has for me. I'm grateful He is always there. I just have to turn to Him and I can find peace, strength and hope. I can't think of any greater blessing I have in my life than Him.