There's Hope in Front of Me

“There’s hope in front of me.” These words (from a song) have been running through my mind quite a bit recently. I believe it. I want to believe that sentence is true with all my heart. 

The past two years of my life have been the hardest, with the past 6 months being the most intense. I just hate to even write this because I don’t want to sound like a “Debbie downer” and I know that there are people with much, much worse problems than I have. But for whatever reason, I’ve felt like I need to share this. For me, the trials have been real and the hardest I’ve ever faced. It has felt like every corner I turn there is a new challenge. In the past six months: I’ve been in a car accident in which I hit a bicyclist, my friend passed away, I’ve faced employment difficulties, family difficulties and on on. I’m still in the midst of many challenges currently. 

And this next week I turn 31. This in and of itself is a challenge for me. For some people it's not, but for me, it is. At 31, it’s time for me to leave my church’s young single adult congregation. Here in Utah we have “Midsingles” wards for 31-45-year-old singles. It’s a spot I’ve never wanted to be in. Ever since I was a young girl, I’ve dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Years have gone by. Friends have gotten married and are now on their 4th or 5th child. I’ve been in more singles wards I can count. And it just hasn’t happened for me. I remember thinking years ago, “I hope I never reach that age where the Bishop calls you in and says, ‘Sister, it’s time for you to leave the Singles Ward.” Luckily for me, my Bishop is not that way at all. He’s said I can stay as long as I want. But, I’ve felt that I need to move on and that’s what the Lord wants me to do. 

Despite all of this, there have been so many "tender mercies" in my life. I know life isn't terrible and I have so much to be grateful for. And I feel a sense of happiness and hope for the future. I feel like good things ARE coming. I feel hope. God loves me and Has a plan for me. I know that these hard, hard trials are for a purpose. One of those purposes is to bring me closer to God. I’ve HAD to rely on Him. It has been the most humbling time of my life as I’ve learned (in difficult ways) that I am certainly not in control. 

As we approach Easter, I’ve felt strongly to share what I know about my Savior. I know that Christ has felt all of my pain. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, “one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. “
I know that because of Christ, there is hope. We CAN overcome the challenges of this life and find peace and strength by turning to Him. I love this time of year when things start to come alive. It is so symbolic of hope to me. After a long, dark winter, beautiful things come. Dead things can be made alive again – just as Christ was resurrected. 

If you’re going through a rough time, please know that you’re not alone. I know that there is hope. Hope for good things to come. Hope for a better, happier future. One day, I'll look back at this "growing" time of my life and be able to better understand it. Until then, I trust and believe that there IS hope in front of me. 

"Hope In Front Of Me" (by Danny Gokey)

I've been running through rain
That I thought would never end
Trying to make it on faith
In a struggle against the wind
I've seen the dark and the broken places
But I know in my soul
No matter how bad it gets
I'll be alright

There's hope in front of me
There's a light, I still see it
There's a hand still holding me
Even when I don't believe it
I might be down but I'm not dead
There's better days still up ahead
Even after all I've seen
There's hope in front of me

There's a place at the end of the storm
You finally find
Where the hurt and the tears and the pain
All fall behind

You open up your eyes and up ahead
There's a big sun shining
Right then and there you realize
You'll be alright

There's hope in front of me
There's a light, I still see it
There's a hand still holding me
Even when I don't believe it
I might be down but I'm not dead
There's better days still up ahead
Even after all I've seen
There's hope in front of me

There's a hope still burning
I can feel it rising through the night
And my world's still turning
I can feel your love here by my side

You're my hope
You're the light, I still see it
Your hands are holding me
Even when I don't believe it
I've got to believe
I still have hope

You are my hope

When Faith Endures

There are certainly a lot of reasons to be worried these days- worried about this crazy world we live in and worried about life in general. I look at where my life's at now and sometimes I wonder what the future holds. But, we sang these words in church on Sunday and I was filled with peace. I've been thinking about them ever since. (And I was treated to this beautiful sunset that night too.) There is always, always hope. And faith is ALWAYS the answer.

I will not doubt, I will not fear;
God's love and strength are always near.
His promised gift helps me to find
An inner strength and peace of mind.I give the Father willingly
My trust, my prayers, humility.
His Spirit guides; his love assures
That fear departs when faith endures.

(LDS Hymns, "When Faith Endures")

Boom. Fear DEPARTS when we have faith. Love that. 

Lasting Love

With Valentine's Day coming up next week, I've been thinking recently about this sweet moment I witnessed last year. (And with all the negativity out there, I thought I'd share it. :) )

Last May I was in Logan, Utah for a quick trip. I decided to stop by the temple grounds to snap a few pictures and enjoy the peace there. I parked on the side of the temple and was about to get out of my car when I noticed an elderly couple getting out of their car. The woman had been driving and went over to help the man get out. They then struggled to walk over to the gate, with the wife helping the man get there. My first instinct was to get out and help them, but I felt to hold back. I'm glad I did because what I witnessed was incredibly sweet and beautiful.

There stood the man and woman at the gate of the temple. The elderly woman (who was quite fragile herself) was literally helping hold the man up while he had his camera out and was snapping some pictures. Something tells me that this couple has supported and lifted each other in many other ways and for a long time. It is refreshing to know and see that true, long-lasting love exists in this world. This was the most touching, beautiful act of love I think I've ever witnessed. It makes me think of this quote by Jeffrey R. Holland, “True love blooms when we care more about another person than we care about ourselves.”

What Greater Goodness Can We Know?

   Each life that touches ours for good
Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord;
Thou sendest blessings from above
Thru words and deeds of those who love.

. What greater gift dost thou bestow,
What greater goodness can we know
Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways
Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

 When such a friend from us departs,
We hold forever in our hearts
A sweet and hallowed memory,
Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.

.For worthy friends whose lives proclaim
Devotion to the Savior's name,
Who bless our days with peace and love,
We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.

Each Life That Touches Ours for Good

31243, Hymns, Each Life That Touches Ours for Good, no. 293

This words are on my mind. I feel so blessed to have the friendships I have. Yesterday I found out that one of my sweet friends passed from this mortal life. It was her birthday. I am in shock and saddened, but happy for her too. It's just really hard to believe. 

Brittany Trevino is in fact the most beautiful person I have ever met. Brittany is beauty. Inside and out. She was so good with makeup and wearing adorable clothes. She was going to help me out and give me makeup lessons, but now we'll have to do that on the other side. But, more importantly, who she was on the inside made her so beautiful.

We met in 2013 in our singles congregation in Arizona. She was investigating the LDS Church and joined. I felt an instant love for her and connection to her. Not hard to do, as she's so amazing. But, I have felt that we knew each other before this life too.

I'd go over to her house after work and we'd eat Chick-fil-a together and talk about life, laugh and cry together. We had deep talks about the Gospel and trials. I remember sitting there listening to her talk about her struggles and pain and I felt the Spirit so strongly so many times. She had a remarkable outlook and such faith. I always left her house feeling inspired and so blessed to know her. 

When I moved back to Utah, we'd text each other a couple of times a week. We'd often exchange Gospel quotes and scriptures. The last time we texted was just on Wednesday (I texted her today and didn't get a reply. Now I know why :(  ). I sent her a quote and she replied, "“Oh I love it! It’s quite comforting. I love our God so much!! His hand is in our lives…” I have NO doubt that she is now back with our loving Heavenly Father and in His hands. What a beautiful reunion. 

Brittany blessed so many lives here and now she has a great work to do on the other side.  I look forward to seeing her again on the other side. When I see her again she'll have a perfect body and be free from the pain and the physical challenges she faced here on earth. I am so grateful for our loving Savior which makes it possible. 

I have felt strongly that I met Brittany for a reason. I learned a lot from her. She helped me through some difficult times. Her friendship means the world to me. I look forward to continuing our friendship on the other side. She has blessed my life incredibly. I'm going to miss her so much. 

In the couple of hours I've known that she's gone, I've been thinking about the plan. It's so easy to forget that what we're doing now is just a small part of our existence. I do know that God places us in certain places to meet certain people. We have a great purpose here on earth. God is in control. One thing I was reminded of by Brittany is that trials are a part of this life. We have to trust Him. She sent me this quote one day: "will our advertises bear us down, or will we go forward relying on the promise of God, who does not shield us from every adversity buy who gives us the guidance and strength that make it possible for us to endure?" -Dallin H. Oaks. 

Thank you, Brittany Trevino for blessing my life. For being a light. For your testimony. For your faith and strength. For your endurance. You fought a good fight. You endured well. The sun has set on your mortal life, but one day, I'll see you again and we'll laugh and cry together once more. Love you so much. God be with you till we meet again!

Brittany took this and sent it to me (this past August). She told me she sent it to me because she knew how much I love AZ sunsets. 

Looking Back, Moving Forward

"Light in the wilderness." Photo taken in Albion Basin over the summer. 

When I had the prompting to move back to Utah last year, I had the distinct thought/impression that I needed to move back in order to progress in life. 

Filled with hope and faith, I suppose my vision of "progress" was a lot different than what God had in mind for me. I imagined I'd move back, immediately find an amazing job and maybe find my future husband too. I'd certainly progress in life in that way. 

Here I am at the end of 2016, looking back. Yeah, that vision of my life was definitely not how things went. 2016 was hard. It is humbling for me to say that. But, I realize it's ok to admit that life isn't perfect. This year was full of job rejections and disappointments. And here I am, still as single as ever.

But, oh how I have learned! I think I have progressed. I have learned that progress comes from challenge. We absolutely cannot grow without struggle.

I have hit rock bottom and had to rely on my Heavenly Father to help me and guide me. My challenges have humbled me. They have made me realize that I CANNOT do things on my own. I need my Heavenly Father's help so much. 

My challenges have helped me to appreciate the small and simple joys of life. This year I didn't get to travel as much. But, I did get to spend a lot of time after work enjoying the beautiful outdoors in Utah. I am so thankful for those experiences. They helped me draw closer to God and to the friends that came on those adventures with me. 

This year, I've read about and thought about people in the scriptures who've been on journeys in the "wilderness." I've thought about how that applies to my life. Sometimes, I feel like I am in the "wilderness" - not sure where I am headed in my life. Especially at this point. I'm not where I thought I'd be at 30 going on 31. But, I have realized that God never leaves us alone in our wildernesses. 1 Nephi 17: 13 says,  

"And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led."

Most of all, I've realized I am not the one in charge. God is. He's in control of my life. He knows where I'm headed. I have limited vision. He sees the whole picture. Neal A. Maxwell said, "What, therefore, may seem now to be mere unconnected pieces of tile will someday, when we look back, take form and pattern, and we will realize that God was making a mosaic." I love that quote. I came across it recently and have thought about it a lot (I see a potential art project coming on... Ha.). I'm sure God is making a beautiful mosaic in my life. 

And so, I will press forward. I look forward to a new year, a new start. I am grateful for the ways I grew this past year and for the many blessings I was blessed with. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, "As a new year begins and we try to benefit from a proper view of what has gone before, I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives."

Here's to 2017! It's going to rock! 

Faith in Every Footstep

*Preface: The Mormon pioneers entered the Salt Lake Valley on July 24, 1847 after a long, long journey west. They settled here. July 24 is known to Mormons as "Pioneer Day."

  

 This is the place monument - where the pioneers entered the Salt Lake Valley 169 years ago today!

 

I remember when I first found out I have LDS pioneer ancestors. It was July 2007, right before I left on my mission. I was doing some family history and was so surprised and excited to learn about my pioneer ancestors. I thought (and still think) it was the coolest thing! I was so nerdy about it, I drug my family along to some cemeteries in American Fork and Pleasant Grove to see these people's gravesites. They are marked with cool pioneer emblems. 

Ever since then, I've felt a strong love for them and a connection to them. I honestly cannot even fathom what it was like to be an early pioneer. They were persecuted for their beliefs and driven out of their homes. They didn't know what was ahead. They had to deal with brutal cold weather, starvation and even the death of loved ones. And yet, they had faith. 

I heard the following story in church today and was really touched. 

Some years ago President David O. McKay (1873–1970) told of the experience of some of those in the Martin handcart company. Many of these early converts had emigrated from Europe and were too poor to buy oxen or horses and a wagon. They were forced by their poverty to pull handcarts containing all of their belongings across the plains by their own brute strength. President McKay related an occurrence which took place some years after the heroic exodus:

“A teacher, conducting a class, said it was unwise ever to attempt, even to permit them [the Martin handcart company] to come across the plains under such conditions.”

Then President McKay quoted an observer who was present in that class: “Some sharp criticism of the Church and its leaders was being indulged in for permitting any company of converts to venture across the plains with no more supplies or protection than a handcart caravan afforded.

“An old man in the corner … sat silent and listened as long as he could stand it, then he arose and said things that no person who heard him will ever forget. His face was white with emotion, yet he spoke calmly, deliberately, but with great earnestness and sincerity.

“In substance [he] said, ‘I ask you to stop this criticism. You are discussing a matter you know nothing about. Cold historic facts mean nothing here, for they give no proper interpretation of the questions involved. Mistake to send the Handcart Company out so late in the season? Yes. But I was in that company and my wife was in it and Sister Nellie Unthank whom you have cited was there, too. We suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died of exposure and starvation, but did you ever hear a survivor of that company utter a word of criticism? …

“‘I have pulled my handcart when I was so weak and weary from illness and lack of food that I could hardly put one foot ahead of the other. I have looked ahead and seen a patch of sand or a hill slope and I have said, I can go only that far and there I must give up, for I cannot pull the load through it.’”

He continues: “‘I have gone on to that sand and when I reached it, the cart began pushing me. I have looked back many times to see who was pushing my cart, but my eyes saw no one. I knew then that the angels of God were there.

“‘Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No. Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was privileged to come in the Martin Handcart Company.’” 
^{(Entire talk here:  https://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/02/refined-in-our-trials?lang=eng)} 

How amazing is that?! "The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay." Wow!!!

I've thought a lot about them and the faith they had to press forward even though they didn't know what was ahead. I guess I can relate in some ways. I certainly do not know trial and hardship like they did. I thankfully have not had to face persecution like they did. 

But, as a 30-year-old single adult, I find myself feeling like I'm in a "wilderness" sometimes. I don't know what's ahead. Sometimes the (single) journey seems long and difficult. But I remember that I need to have "faith in every footstep." I need to press forward towards my "promised land," trusting that God will guide my path. He's with me every step of the way. That doesn't mean life is easy. But, like the pioneers, I have seen miracles come as I have put my trust in Him and allowed Him to guide me. 

I love the pioneers. I want to learn more about them and their stories and learn from their faith. I'm grateful they were willing to sacrifice so much. I'm grateful for their examples of testimony. They knew the Gospel is true. 

Today at church I went to the family history Sunday School class and spent some time learning more about my pioneer ancestors. I learned about David Adamson. I learned that he worked at Neff's Mill in Millcreek. I also learned that that site is just 5 minutes from where I live. After church I went over there and saw it. It was so awesome. I just love learning about these people. I hope to find more stories and learn more from their lives. They are truly incredible and deserve to be honored and remembered. 

Blessed, honored pioneer!

The site where my great-great-(probably 3 more greats) something worked on the mill.

The story behind submitting my story

One of my lifelong dreams/goals since I was younger has been to get published in one of the LDS Church's magazines. 

When I was probably 10 or 11 I wrote something and submitted it to the Friend magazine. I was crushed when I got a rejection letter. (Yeah, they actually mailed me one via snail mail back in the day.)

I've still just really wanted to get something published since then. I even put it on my "30 by 30" list. I had a lot of experiences I thought about writing about. But I always wondered if I was a good enough writer.

Well, three years ago I had a special experience in the Mesa Temple. When I left the temple I had the thought to submit my story to the Ensign. Immediately I thought, "No. It's way too personal." But the thought to submit it persisted all the way home. I ended up staying up really late that night and putting it all on paper (well, you know, Microsoft Word). Honestly, I felt I was guided to know what to say/how to word things. I hit submit late that night.

For the next several years it was always in the back of my mind, but I figured they must not have liked it/wanted to use it. 

Imagine my shock and THRILL when one afternoon just before Christmas in 2015 I got an email from someone at the magazine asking me to review my contribution for accuracy. I was SO excited. He said it'd probably be published in June.

So, I've anxiously waited. 

Back in March when I visited Arizona I attended my previous ward. My former Bishop told me the Ensign had contacted him right after I moved (so, in October of 2015) to make sure I was a good person before they published my contribution. Haha. I thought that was so interesting.

Talk about a timetable here! THREE years.

I am so excited to have accomplished this goal. I realize it's only a couple of paragraphs. So, it's probably really silly how excited I am. But I am really, super duper excited (which is why I can't keep quiet about it!).