Hallelujah!

Hallelujah! I can't think of a better word to describe this Easter season. After 15 months of job hunting (6 of them back in Utah without a job)- which included hundreds upon hundreds of applications, some interviews and hundreds of rejections- I got a job. In fact, I have been blessed with two jobs. I have been so humbled and am so grateful.

I know it is only because of my Savior's grace and mercy. I am weak on my own. I am nothing on my own. I have come to know my Savior more intimately the past few months. I have felt alone and rejected. I have come to know that He knows my pain. He knows what it is like to want so badly to know the Father's will and then be blessed to have courage to accept it.

I know He lives. The following words have meant a lot to me:

He lives to grant me rich supply.

He lives to guide me with his eye.

He lives to comfort me when faint.

He lives to hear my soul's complaint.

He lives to silence all my fears.

He lives to wipe away my tears.

He lives to calm my troubled heart.

He lives all blessings to impart

(From the hymn, "I Know That My Redeemer Lives.") 

 Christ is real. He is my friend. The enabling power of the atonement is real. I'm so grateful for all He has done and continues to do for me. 

Temple Blessings

Went here today. Got home and checked my email and voicemail to find two interview invitations. It's not like that's happening every day (I wish)! You can't tell me the blessings of this place aren't real. They are! (They don't always come that way, but today they did.) In addition to that, I must mention the peace and comfort I feel here. It's real!

I can't believe tomorrow marks 5 months since I quit my job. This was never my plan. I've always known I need to have another job before I quit the one I have. At least, that's the logical thing to do. But when God tells you to do something, you do it. I know it's crazy and at times I truly doubt. But, I try to hold on to the faith I have. I've grown much closer to God the past few months because I have had to rely on Him. And I have been amazed to see how He has taken care of me.

Eyes to See

Last week I went to Salt Lake to get together with a friend. As I was riding back on the train, I had some time to ponder. My thoughts were filled with my worries and trials I am dealing with right now. 

And then, I had a powerful, humbling experience. I saw a blind man exit the train. That was it. But, it changed my perspective completely. We are all given trials that we need to learn and grow. But suddenly, my trials didn't seem too bad. I can't imagine how hard this man's life is. I'm sure he's learned to cope, but it can't be easy. 

I was filled with gratitude. Gratitude that I can see (and walk, talk, hear). I can see the beautiful sunset. I can see the smiles on my nieces and nephews faces. I can see the beautiful mountains. I can see where I am walking. I can drive. I can take pictures of this beautiful earth. The blessing to be able to see is incredible. It's one that should never be taken for granted. 

This experience made me realize I should be grateful for the trials I have. Life could always, always be worse. 

I had those thoughts and then got off at my stop and drove home where I immediately had a couple of (small) trying experiences. I dropped my phone as soon as I got out of the car and the screen shattered. But, I picked it up and I took the picture above anyway. Sometimes I see through shattered glass, but I can see. And life is still beautiful. 

A Plan For Me

Today at church I took my nephew for a walk in the church building. As we were walking down the hall and approached the primary room (classroom for the kids), I saw written on the chalkboard, “My Heavenly Father has a plan for my life.” I know this was meant for whatever lesson the kids were having, but I was really touched. I had been praying and fasting today to know that God DOES have a plan for my life. Because, sometimes, it's a struggle to remember that. There was my answer - written out right in front of me. It was a really special experience. Sometimes answers from God aren't as clear. Sometimes, they're right in front of our face. God is real. Pray, he is there. Speak, he is listening.

Who I'm Most Thankful For

I've had a lot of time to think about Thanksgiving this year, because well, I've had more time on my hands. While I'd love to have a job (which I do need pretty soon here...), I am grateful for this precious downtime I've had.
 
Anyway, I've been thinking about my many, many blessings. And, I've decided there's one thing, well, one person I am MOST grateful for. It is my Savior Jesus Christ.
 
I don't give Him the credit He deserves. He has done so much for me. And sometimes I am prideful and stubborn and fail to remember and recognize Him. So, I'm going to try to do better at that.
 
I am so grateful for all He has done for me. Without His love and sacrifice, there'd be no hope for me. I am not perfect. At all. I fall short in so many ways. But because of His Atonement, one day I can be perfect. And I can be forgiven of my sins.
 
I am extremely grateful that He knows EXACTLY how I feel in any given situation. Whatever I've felt, He's felt too. Whatever pain I've experienced, He's experienced it too. It had to be this way. This is so He could truly be the Savior of the world. I love this quote by President Thomas S. Monson:
 

Only the Master knows the depths of our trials, our pain, and our suffering. He alone offers us eternal peace in times of adversity. He alone touches our tortured souls with His comforting words:

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

“For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  

(“I WILL NOT FAIL THEE, NOR FORSAKE THEE”)

I love my Savior. I'm so grateful for the love He has for me. I'm grateful He is always there. I just have to turn to Him and I can find peace, strength and hope. I can't think of any greater blessing I have in my life than Him.

 

 

Faith in Every Footstep: My Journey (back) to Utah

I've been feeling prompted to write down my experiences as I've decided to move to Utah. So here it goes! (I'm going to want to refer to this when it is 20 degrees outside and snowing. I'll have to remind myself I felt this was right. ;) )

Back in January of this year I had the impression that I need to move back to Utah - at least for now. I don't know if I want to live there the rest of my life. But then again, it's not about what I want. Anyway, when this happened, I took an inventory of my life. I had been feeling for quite some time that life was "ok," but something was missing. I wasn't progressing in many areas of life. And I absolutely hate that. I want to grow and progress. Little did I know, I'd have plenty of "growing" experiences this year. (I wasn't quite wanting that when I wanted to grow!)

I weighed the pros and cons and decided moving to Utah was the path I needed to pursue (side note - if you're interested to know more about all of the reasons I decided to move, I'd be happy to chat about it.). I started applying for jobs. Within a couple of weeks I had a couple of prospects. One was really good. It was a job I really wanted and felt it would be perfect for me. Unfortunately, I did not get it. I was crushed. But, I pressed forward.

For the next several months I continued applying for jobs. It was an interesting process. Sometimes I wouldn't even feel right about interviewing for a particular job - I knew it just wasn't right. I feel like I learned a lot about the Spirit through this and about how the Spirit speaks to me.

By summertime I was starting to question if this was really the path I was supposed to pursue. Nothing was working out! Yet, I still felt I need to move back. (through all of this, I always remembered the quote by Pres. Eyring, "If you are on the right path, it will always be uphill.")

I've really tried to turn to the Lord and the words of the prophets to help me and guide me in this journey. Around pioneer day, I had an interesting epiphany - I am like the pioneers. Here I am forging onto an unknown path. I'm not sure how I'm going to get there. But, I know I've got to have "faith in every footstep."

Moving on... less than a month ago I was contacted about a job I had applied for which I really wanted. I had a phone interview with them and it went really well. I thought, "this could be it!" They asked me to do a second interview. So, we got that scheduled. It was to be over Skype. I kid you not. Every.little.thing. went wrong this particular week. It just so happened that I didn't have internet at my apartment. So, I went to the library to reserve a room there. Too bad the library was closed on Thursdays (so random!). Thankfully, I was able to use my wonderful friend's apartment.

I get on Skype for the interview. There were a few people there to interview me. The first thing I am told is that fifteen minutes before the interview they were told hiring for the position is on hold and they weren't sure when they'd be hiring for it. But, they decided to go forward with interviewing. It was good practice for me, so I went ahead with it. But I thought, "of course! Of course they're not hiring for this! Nothing has gone right this week." Following the interview, the rest of the week went horribly. I really, seriously wondered what was going on. I told my Mom, "Either I'm REALLY not supposed to move, or I REALLY am."

Through all of this, my Mom has been very supportive (my Dad and so many others have too, for the record). I've bounced thoughts and ideas off her and told her my problems. She's been there to remind me to have faith and that things will work out.

I can't remember at what point it was, but sometime as I was discussing things with my Mom, we both kind of decided that maybe it was time for a huge leap of faith. Maybe it was time to just move - with or without a job. This was the scariest thing of all. I did this when I moved here to Arizona three years ago and things did work out. But, it was scary. I remember several months ago telling my Mom I could never do that again. Well, of course, Heavenly Father has different plans. Never say never. I didn't even consider this to be an option again. But, I had to humble myself and get over my stubbornness.

A few weeks ago when I decided this was what I was going to do, I was driving to church pondering this choice. I thought, "Ok Heavenly Father, if we sing 'I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go' in Church today, I will really know I am supposed to move to Utah." Guess what the opening hymn in Sacrament Meeting was that day? Yep. (P.S. Thank you to my wonderful friends who put up with me being an emotional wreck that day!)

That week I decided that maybe I needed to just take a leap of faith and list my apartment spot on a housing site. I thought, "ok, if I'm not supposed to move to Utah then I won't be able to find anyone to fill my spot. If I am, then I will." I listed it Friday morning. Friday afternoon I was contacted by someone who was interested. They came to see it Saturday and checked out the ward on Sunday. On Sunday they said they'd take it. So, that was my answer.

And now I'm getting ready to leave. It is bittersweet. I've learned and grown SO much. I came down here all by myself and only knew a handful of people. And now I've made some wonderful lifelong friends who I'm going to miss terribly (people better come visit me in Utah!). I'm so grateful for the amazing people I've met here and the awesome experiences I've had.

I don't know what the future holds. I really hope I'm able to get a job and survive ok off my savings. It's really scary. But, I'm only doing it because I know it's what I'm supposed to do. I just keep reminding myself that "it will all work out." I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. He's got a great plan for my life. So I'll trust Him.

"We Were Not Placed on This Earth to Walk Alone"

I've recently been reminded that there are good people in this world. This week was one of "those" weeks where every little thing seemed to go wrong. But amazing friends and family helped me a lot (you know who you are!). And then, of course, today, at the store a nice lady held the door open for me. Too bad I managed to hit my elbow on the door. I then headed to another store where I stubbed my toe on the shopping cart somehow (yes, #accidentprone). I looked down to see blood gushing. So, I hurried to the bathroom. A nice lady asked me if I was ok. I told her I was fine. She left. I was surprised when she came back with some bandaids and neosporin. It was a small act of kindness, but it touched me so much. There are good people in this world and I am so thankful. Sometimes I am so independent and stubborn, but Heavenly Father gives me trials to humble me and help me recognize I am so, so dependent on Him and my fellow brothers and sisters in this life. Thomas S. Monson said, "We were not placed on this earth to walk alone." I am learning so much that I definitely can't do it on my own! Thankfully I don't have to.