“There’s hope in front of me.” These words (from a song) have been running through my mind quite a bit recently. I believe it. I want to believe that sentence is true with all my heart.
The past two years of my life have been the hardest, with the past 6 months being the most intense. I just hate to even write this because I don’t want to sound like a “Debbie downer” and I know that there are people with much, much worse problems than I have. But for whatever reason, I’ve felt like I need to share this. For me, the trials have been real and the hardest I’ve ever faced. It has felt like every corner I turn there is a new challenge. In the past six months: I’ve been in a car accident in which I hit a bicyclist, my friend passed away, I’ve faced employment difficulties, family difficulties and on on. I’m still in the midst of many challenges currently.
And this next week I turn 31. This in and of itself is a challenge for me. For some people it's not, but for me, it is. At 31, it’s time for me to leave my church’s young single adult congregation. Here in Utah we have “Midsingles” wards for 31-45-year-old singles. It’s a spot I’ve never wanted to be in. Ever since I was a young girl, I’ve dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Years have gone by. Friends have gotten married and are now on their 4th or 5th child. I’ve been in more singles wards I can count. And it just hasn’t happened for me. I remember thinking years ago, “I hope I never reach that age where the Bishop calls you in and says, ‘Sister, it’s time for you to leave the Singles Ward.” Luckily for me, my Bishop is not that way at all. He’s said I can stay as long as I want. But, I’ve felt that I need to move on and that’s what the Lord wants me to do.
Despite all of this, there have been so many "tender mercies" in my life. I know life isn't terrible and I have so much to be grateful for. And I feel a sense of happiness and hope for the future. I feel like good things ARE coming. I feel hope. God loves me and Has a plan for me. I know that these hard, hard trials are for a purpose. One of those purposes is to bring me closer to God. I’ve HAD to rely on Him. It has been the most humbling time of my life as I’ve learned (in difficult ways) that I am certainly not in control.
As we approach Easter, I’ve felt strongly to share what I know about my Savior. I know that Christ has felt all of my pain. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, “one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. “
I know that because of Christ, there is hope. We CAN overcome the challenges of this life and find peace and strength by turning to Him. I love this time of year when things start to come alive. It is so symbolic of hope to me. After a long, dark winter, beautiful things come. Dead things can be made alive again – just as Christ was resurrected.
If you’re going through a rough time, please know that you’re not alone. I know that there is hope. Hope for good things to come. Hope for a better, happier future. One day, I'll look back at this "growing" time of my life and be able to better understand it. Until then, I trust and believe that there IS hope in front of me.
"Hope In Front Of Me" (by Danny Gokey)
I've been running through rain
That I thought would never end
Trying to make it on faith
In a struggle against the wind
I've seen the dark and the broken places
But I know in my soul
No matter how bad it gets
I'll be alright
There's hope in front of me
There's a light, I still see it
There's a hand still holding me
Even when I don't believe it
I might be down but I'm not dead
There's better days still up ahead
Even after all I've seen
There's hope in front of me
There's a place at the end of the storm
You finally find
Where the hurt and the tears and the pain
All fall behind
You open up your eyes and up ahead
There's a big sun shining
Right then and there you realize
You'll be alright
There's hope in front of me
There's a light, I still see it
There's a hand still holding me
Even when I don't believe it
I might be down but I'm not dead
There's better days still up ahead
Even after all I've seen
There's hope in front of me
There's a hope still burning
I can feel it rising through the night
And my world's still turning
I can feel your love here by my side
You're my hope
You're the light, I still see it
Your hands are holding me
Even when I don't believe it
I've got to believe
I still have hope
You are my hope
