An Evening With an Apostle

Last month I turned 31 and aged out of my young single adult congregation. This weekend, my new stake (group of congregations) has stake conference. The speaker and presiding authority just so happens to be Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the 12 apostles. That right there is the principle of compensation. Whenever we lose something, we can something greater. I hit the jackpot! 

I went really early tonight so I could get a good spot (and ponder beforehand). I was ten rows away from this apostle of God. It was the most amazing church meeting I've EVER been in. When Elder Holland speaks and testifies it is POWERFUL. He said so much I needed to hear. I am on cloud 9.

He talked about broken things. How God loves broken things. And broken things can be made whole again. He talked about how there is happiness ahead. We will make it. We will overcome our trials. He said, "The only way we can be a disciple of Christ is to walk where He walked. We have to feel pain." We have to have the experiences we have in order to become the people God needs us to be. 

He mentioned several times that when we sacrifice, we get blessings back ten fold. 

He mentioned the scripture: "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." (1 Cor. 2:9) He said, "God will keep every promise He's ever uttered." 

Tonight was honestly life changing for me. I've been dealing with some difficult things and the things he spoke about really helped me to put my challenges into perspective. He said, "Whatever the tunnel is, there is a light at the end of it. And it's Jesus Christ."

I'm so glad I got to experience this. I know I'm lucky. I was actually supposed to be somewhere else tonight (story for a different day), so I'm glad it all worked out and I went. I needed to be there. Jeffrey R. Holland is an apostle of the Lord and I got to hear him testify of Christ tonight. It's surreal and amazing and I'll never forget it. 

My Thoughts on Motherhood

Mother's Day weekend always tends to be one of reflection for me. I think about my mother and the many ways she's influenced my life. I think about my Grandmothers and the legacies they've left.

Admittedly, I also think of myself. The reality that I'm not a mother always crosses my mind and sinks deep. The pain is real. I don't have children (or a husband) of my own. Yet. However, I think about the fact that I DO have 11 nieces and nephews to love and learn from and be "motherly" to.

I think about the kind of mom I want to be. I think about that a lot, actually. As hard as it is, I know being childless (and single) is preparing me to be the kind of mother God needs me to be. I imagine the experiences I've had and lessons I've learned from this season in my life will help me help my children in a variety of ways. 

For a long time I've tried to brush off the pain. But I've realized that it's ok and necessary to acknowledge it (I just can't dwell on it). 

It's hard when I hop on to Facebook and 3 + of my friends blessed their sweet babies that day at church. It's hard when I see another pregnancy announcement. Or another person saying how being a mom is the best job in the world. Although, I know I'd totally do the same if I had kids. 

I was really put in my place about a year ago when I was chatting with a friend about how much we want to have kids of our own. And she commented, "well, at least you have nieces and nephews. I don't." Well, talk about being humbled, huh! 

I am truly grateful for that gift. Being an aunt has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. I have learned so much about love and life from those adorable 11 kids. So much happiness has come into my life by being an aunt. And I can say I've learned a thing or two about parenting from it. 

I don't know why God hasn't blessed me with the greatest desires of my heart yet. But I do know when those blessings do come I will NEVER take them for granted. My children (and husband) will never have to wonder if they are loved and appreciated. That is for sure! 

I am grateful for the many wonderful women who are such great examples of motherhood. You might not know it, but I am definitely watching and learning from you. 

I know that motherhood is a sacred gift and calling. Motherhood is not easy and I'm in awe of those who do it. I can't even comprehend how tiring and emotionally exhausting it is. But, I hear it's the most rewarding thing. It has been said that, "Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind." I know that's true. I look forward to the day when I get to experience it myself.