Mother's Day weekend always tends to be one of reflection for me. I think about my mother and the many ways she's influenced my life. I think about my Grandmothers and the legacies they've left.
Admittedly, I also think of myself. The reality that I'm not a mother always crosses my mind and sinks deep. The pain is real. I don't have children (or a husband) of my own. Yet. However, I think about the fact that I DO have 11 nieces and nephews to love and learn from and be "motherly" to.
I think about the kind of mom I want to be. I think about that a lot, actually. As hard as it is, I know being childless (and single) is preparing me to be the kind of mother God needs me to be. I imagine the experiences I've had and lessons I've learned from this season in my life will help me help my children in a variety of ways.
For a long time I've tried to brush off the pain. But I've realized that it's ok and necessary to acknowledge it (I just can't dwell on it).
It's hard when I hop on to Facebook and 3 + of my friends blessed their sweet babies that day at church. It's hard when I see another pregnancy announcement. Or another person saying how being a mom is the best job in the world. Although, I know I'd totally do the same if I had kids.
I was really put in my place about a year ago when I was chatting with a friend about how much we want to have kids of our own. And she commented, "well, at least you have nieces and nephews. I don't." Well, talk about being humbled, huh!
I am truly grateful for that gift. Being an aunt has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. I have learned so much about love and life from those adorable 11 kids. So much happiness has come into my life by being an aunt. And I can say I've learned a thing or two about parenting from it.
I don't know why God hasn't blessed me with the greatest desires of my heart yet. But I do know when those blessings do come I will NEVER take them for granted. My children (and husband) will never have to wonder if they are loved and appreciated. That is for sure!
I am grateful for the many wonderful women who are such great examples of motherhood. You might not know it, but I am definitely watching and learning from you.
I know that motherhood is a sacred gift and calling. Motherhood is not easy and I'm in awe of those who do it. I can't even comprehend how tiring and emotionally exhausting it is. But, I hear it's the most rewarding thing. It has been said that, "Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind." I know that's true. I look forward to the day when I get to experience it myself.