Who I'm Most Thankful For

I've had a lot of time to think about Thanksgiving this year, because well, I've had more time on my hands. While I'd love to have a job (which I do need pretty soon here...), I am grateful for this precious downtime I've had.
 
Anyway, I've been thinking about my many, many blessings. And, I've decided there's one thing, well, one person I am MOST grateful for. It is my Savior Jesus Christ.
 
I don't give Him the credit He deserves. He has done so much for me. And sometimes I am prideful and stubborn and fail to remember and recognize Him. So, I'm going to try to do better at that.
 
I am so grateful for all He has done for me. Without His love and sacrifice, there'd be no hope for me. I am not perfect. At all. I fall short in so many ways. But because of His Atonement, one day I can be perfect. And I can be forgiven of my sins.
 
I am extremely grateful that He knows EXACTLY how I feel in any given situation. Whatever I've felt, He's felt too. Whatever pain I've experienced, He's experienced it too. It had to be this way. This is so He could truly be the Savior of the world. I love this quote by President Thomas S. Monson:
 

Only the Master knows the depths of our trials, our pain, and our suffering. He alone offers us eternal peace in times of adversity. He alone touches our tortured souls with His comforting words:

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

“For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  

(“I WILL NOT FAIL THEE, NOR FORSAKE THEE”)

I love my Savior. I'm so grateful for the love He has for me. I'm grateful He is always there. I just have to turn to Him and I can find peace, strength and hope. I can't think of any greater blessing I have in my life than Him.

 

 

Faith in Every Footstep: My Journey (back) to Utah

I've been feeling prompted to write down my experiences as I've decided to move to Utah. So here it goes! (I'm going to want to refer to this when it is 20 degrees outside and snowing. I'll have to remind myself I felt this was right. ;) )

Back in January of this year I had the impression that I need to move back to Utah - at least for now. I don't know if I want to live there the rest of my life. But then again, it's not about what I want. Anyway, when this happened, I took an inventory of my life. I had been feeling for quite some time that life was "ok," but something was missing. I wasn't progressing in many areas of life. And I absolutely hate that. I want to grow and progress. Little did I know, I'd have plenty of "growing" experiences this year. (I wasn't quite wanting that when I wanted to grow!)

I weighed the pros and cons and decided moving to Utah was the path I needed to pursue (side note - if you're interested to know more about all of the reasons I decided to move, I'd be happy to chat about it.). I started applying for jobs. Within a couple of weeks I had a couple of prospects. One was really good. It was a job I really wanted and felt it would be perfect for me. Unfortunately, I did not get it. I was crushed. But, I pressed forward.

For the next several months I continued applying for jobs. It was an interesting process. Sometimes I wouldn't even feel right about interviewing for a particular job - I knew it just wasn't right. I feel like I learned a lot about the Spirit through this and about how the Spirit speaks to me.

By summertime I was starting to question if this was really the path I was supposed to pursue. Nothing was working out! Yet, I still felt I need to move back. (through all of this, I always remembered the quote by Pres. Eyring, "If you are on the right path, it will always be uphill.")

I've really tried to turn to the Lord and the words of the prophets to help me and guide me in this journey. Around pioneer day, I had an interesting epiphany - I am like the pioneers. Here I am forging onto an unknown path. I'm not sure how I'm going to get there. But, I know I've got to have "faith in every footstep."

Moving on... less than a month ago I was contacted about a job I had applied for which I really wanted. I had a phone interview with them and it went really well. I thought, "this could be it!" They asked me to do a second interview. So, we got that scheduled. It was to be over Skype. I kid you not. Every.little.thing. went wrong this particular week. It just so happened that I didn't have internet at my apartment. So, I went to the library to reserve a room there. Too bad the library was closed on Thursdays (so random!). Thankfully, I was able to use my wonderful friend's apartment.

I get on Skype for the interview. There were a few people there to interview me. The first thing I am told is that fifteen minutes before the interview they were told hiring for the position is on hold and they weren't sure when they'd be hiring for it. But, they decided to go forward with interviewing. It was good practice for me, so I went ahead with it. But I thought, "of course! Of course they're not hiring for this! Nothing has gone right this week." Following the interview, the rest of the week went horribly. I really, seriously wondered what was going on. I told my Mom, "Either I'm REALLY not supposed to move, or I REALLY am."

Through all of this, my Mom has been very supportive (my Dad and so many others have too, for the record). I've bounced thoughts and ideas off her and told her my problems. She's been there to remind me to have faith and that things will work out.

I can't remember at what point it was, but sometime as I was discussing things with my Mom, we both kind of decided that maybe it was time for a huge leap of faith. Maybe it was time to just move - with or without a job. This was the scariest thing of all. I did this when I moved here to Arizona three years ago and things did work out. But, it was scary. I remember several months ago telling my Mom I could never do that again. Well, of course, Heavenly Father has different plans. Never say never. I didn't even consider this to be an option again. But, I had to humble myself and get over my stubbornness.

A few weeks ago when I decided this was what I was going to do, I was driving to church pondering this choice. I thought, "Ok Heavenly Father, if we sing 'I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go' in Church today, I will really know I am supposed to move to Utah." Guess what the opening hymn in Sacrament Meeting was that day? Yep. (P.S. Thank you to my wonderful friends who put up with me being an emotional wreck that day!)

That week I decided that maybe I needed to just take a leap of faith and list my apartment spot on a housing site. I thought, "ok, if I'm not supposed to move to Utah then I won't be able to find anyone to fill my spot. If I am, then I will." I listed it Friday morning. Friday afternoon I was contacted by someone who was interested. They came to see it Saturday and checked out the ward on Sunday. On Sunday they said they'd take it. So, that was my answer.

And now I'm getting ready to leave. It is bittersweet. I've learned and grown SO much. I came down here all by myself and only knew a handful of people. And now I've made some wonderful lifelong friends who I'm going to miss terribly (people better come visit me in Utah!). I'm so grateful for the amazing people I've met here and the awesome experiences I've had.

I don't know what the future holds. I really hope I'm able to get a job and survive ok off my savings. It's really scary. But, I'm only doing it because I know it's what I'm supposed to do. I just keep reminding myself that "it will all work out." I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. He's got a great plan for my life. So I'll trust Him.

"We Were Not Placed on This Earth to Walk Alone"

I've recently been reminded that there are good people in this world. This week was one of "those" weeks where every little thing seemed to go wrong. But amazing friends and family helped me a lot (you know who you are!). And then, of course, today, at the store a nice lady held the door open for me. Too bad I managed to hit my elbow on the door. I then headed to another store where I stubbed my toe on the shopping cart somehow (yes, #accidentprone). I looked down to see blood gushing. So, I hurried to the bathroom. A nice lady asked me if I was ok. I told her I was fine. She left. I was surprised when she came back with some bandaids and neosporin. It was a small act of kindness, but it touched me so much. There are good people in this world and I am so thankful. Sometimes I am so independent and stubborn, but Heavenly Father gives me trials to humble me and help me recognize I am so, so dependent on Him and my fellow brothers and sisters in this life. Thomas S. Monson said, "We were not placed on this earth to walk alone." I am learning so much that I definitely can't do it on my own! Thankfully I don't have to.

We Are Everything to God

This weekend I had the chance to do some stargazing. It was incredible. As I was staring at the sky, I just couldn't help but think of the fact that God is real. He's real and He loves me. I was reminded of my worth as a daughter of God. Which, was interesting and unexpected, but certainly welcomed.

I've struggled to feel significant at times. And you'd think looking at thousands upon thousands of stars would only add to that. But, it didn't. Somehow it made me feel more significant. I am here. I am part of God's plan. I am loved. He created all these beautiful things and all these beautiful stars, yet He knows me personally and loves me deeply.

President Uchtdorf has said,

"But even though man is nothing, it fills me with wonder and awe to think that “the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.”

And while we may look at the vast expanse of the universe and say, “What is man in comparison to the glory of creation?” God Himself said we are the reason He created the universe! His work and glory—the purpose for this magnificent universe—is to save and exalt mankind.8 In other words, the vast expanse of eternity, the glories and mysteries of infinite space and time are all built for the benefit of ordinary mortals like you and me. Our Heavenly Father created the universe that we might reach our potential as His sons and daughters.

This is a paradox of man: compared to God, man is nothing; yet we are everything to God. While against the backdrop of infinite creation we may appear to be nothing, we have a spark of eternal fire burning within our breast. We have the incomprehensible promise of exaltation—worlds without end—within our grasp. And it is God’s great desire to help us reach it." ("You Matter To Him, Oct. 2011)

I also think of Psalms 8

 3 When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained;

 4 What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?

 5 For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.

There's just no way God isn't real.

The Light WILL Come

For the past several (and I mean several) months, I've struggled to know the Lord's will for me. The question in my heart and mind has been, "what's next?" And honestly, not much has come at all. I've fasted. I've prayed. I've studied the scriptures. Read my patriarchal blessing. Attended my church meetings and the temple. And still, I feel lost. 

Last night as I was on a walk (and took the above picture), pondering life as I often do, the words, "Hold on. The light will come" popped into my head. (Which, funny, they are from a Michael McLean song I've heard like once in my life.) I do know that is true. I have to hold on. The light WILL come. Eventually.

I've learned so much about patience and faith the past few years of my life. It seems once again, that's what I need to do - be patient and have faith. If God made everything easy and gave us all of the answers right away, where would be the growth? 

Elder Richard G. Scott said, "This life is an experience in profound trust—trust in Jesus Christ, trust in His teachings, trust in our capacity as led by the Holy Spirit to obey those teachings for happiness now and for a purposeful, supremely happy eternal existence. To trust means to obey willingly without knowing the end from the beginning."

And so, I will wait. I will hold on. I will trust. Because I do know God loves me. He loves me enough to stretch me, to mold me, to make me wait and be patient. One day, the light WILL come. And it will be more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. 

For my Future Kids

The other night (on Mothers Day), when I should have been sleeping, I wrote a poem to my future child(ren). That was a first. It was one of those times when the words just came easily to my mind. 

I sure love my future family already! I look forward to being a wife and mother one day.

You Are Loved

"You are loved.

You are dear to your heavenly parents.

The infinite and eternal Creator of light and life knows you! He is mindful of you.

Yes, God loves you this very day and always.

He is not waiting to love you until you have overcome your weaknesses and bad habits. He loves you today with a full understanding of your struggles. He is aware that you reach up to Him in heartfelt and hopeful prayer. He knows of the times you have held onto the fading light and believed—even in the midst of growing darkness. He knows of your sufferings. He knows of your remorse for the times you have fallen short or failed. And still He loves you." -Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I woke up with this quote in my head today (well, part of it. I looked the full thing up). I think it was a much needed message from Heavenly Father to me. So grateful to know I'm loved and He is aware of me.

Some Great Verses

11 And we desire that every one of you do shew the same diligence to the full assurance of hope unto the end:

 12 That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

 15 And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise.

I read these verses in Hebrews chapter 6 last night and really loved them. I've probably read them before, but last night it felt like I hadn't. I guess that's why we need to read the scriptures over and over. Different things touch us in different ways at different times in our lives. 

Let Go

Ahh,yes. This is the story of my life right here. My plan was to get married ten years ago and have lots of kids right now. That wasn't in God's plan for me, apparently. I turn 29 next week and there is  currently no husband and no kids in the picture. There's not even a boyfriend or potential boyfriend in the picture at the moment.

I'm learning day-by-day that I have to let go of what I want and accept God's plan for my life. I do know He knows best. He knows what's ahead. So I'll trust Him.

He Lives!

I've had a lot of thoughts lately about our Savior, with it being Easter. Last week I had the opportunity to speak in church on how my testimony of Christ has blessed my life. Preparing for that was a huge time of introspection. Last night I attended the Easter pageant at the Mesa Temple grounds and was again reminded of how wonderful our Savior is.

Also, I watched this amazing video the other day. What has struck me lately is that He is real. He really did live on this earth. He really did! This is not fiction. It happened people!

He went about doing good, teaching and preaching on this earth. He served others. He loved others. He had such a special mission on this earth.

He went about performing miracles. He healed people.

He suffered so much. He was rejected. He was hurt. He was wrongly accused. He was ridiculed. He atoned for my sins and for yours.

He was hung on the cross at Calvary. And then He died.

But, He rose again. He was resurrected - reunited with his body.

Because of Him, I have hope. I have hope that I can be forgiven of my sins. I have hope that burdens I face may be made light. I have hope that one day I will be perfect. I can be forgiven of my sins. And one day I will have a perfect body.

I am so grateful for Him. I feel like I've come to know Him better the past few years as I've faced certain challenges and trials. As I've come to know Him better, my burdens have felt lighter.

I know He lives. He's real. He loves us. And I am so, so, grateful! I'm eternally indebted to Him!

Happy Easter!

My Source of Strength and Peace

I'm speaking in church on Sunday and my topic is, "How my testimony of Jesus Christ has blessed my life." My first thought was, "wow." That encompasses so much. So, I've been thinking about it all week and trying to narrow it down.

I think the biggest blessings my testimony of Christ brings into my life are hope and peace. I've faced a good amount of discouragement, rejection and inadequacy in my life  (as we all have, I'm sure.). I've struggled with hurt and disappointment time-after-time when I didn't get the job, or the date, or whatever. I feel like I've been knocked down many, many times. And sometimes, because of this I don't want to open my heart up to the possibility of succeeding, because I  don't want to be hurt if I get disappointed again.

But, ultimately, I know I need to have faith. I need to have faith in Christ. I know that through Him and because of Him all things are possible. He is my only hope. Jeffrey R. Holland said, "Because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so.” Christ has already suffered for my pain. I don't have to do things alone. I have Him as my Savior - my source of hope, peace and strength. Whatever I've gone through, He's been there too. Whatever I've felt, He's felt it too. And for that I am so, so very grateful.

Fear Not

This is so comforting. I love the messages of strength and comfort in the scriptures.

A Miracle and A Lesson

I had a little miracle in my life today. I was at church when a member of the Bishopric told me he had my scriptures.

I had lost them over six months ago! I thought they were gone forever. I had looked all over. I was sad about it. These scriptures had been with me through seminary and my mission. 

I got to thinking about it. Maybe Heavenly Father was trying to teach me something.  Maybe not, but I'd like to think so. Maybe He was reminding me in a very small way that hope is not lost. I had given up hope of ever finding them. Maybe sometimes out of the blue, when we're least expecting it, we find something we've been looking for for a very long time. And when we do find it, we are so incredibly happy. 

Beauty in the Desert

The other day I visited Picacho Peak State Park. As I was driving home it occurred to me how amazing it was that there were these beautiful flowers in the desert. Most people think ugly, dry, dead when they think desert. But God puts beauty everywhere. So it is with our lives. Even when our life feels like a “desert” when we are going through trials, God does put beauty and blessings in our lives. We just have to look for it amid the dirt, weeds and dryness. 

Sacrifice

Sacrifice. This topic has been on my mind. So, I've been studying it in my Gospel study. This morning I came across a definition of it I really like:

"To sacrifice is to give up something valuable or precious, often with the intent of accomplishing a greater purpose or goal." (lds.org)

Also,

"To sacrifice is to give up something good for something better." (unknown). LOVE that.

This reminds me of a picture I saw. I won't post it due to possible copyright issues. But, you can Google it. :) It is of a little girl holding a small teddy bear. God is holding out a hand to ask her to give the teddy bear to Him. She says, "But I love it." He says, "Trust me." Behind his back in the other hand is a bigger teddy bear.

I've had a lesson with sacrifice lately. I feel like God is asking me to give up something I really like. But I can't see the bigger teddy bear yet. And that is hard. I suppose that is where faith comes in. Faith and sacrifice are closely linked.

Waiting

This Beautiful World

1. 1. Whenever I hear the song of a bird
   Or look at the blue, blue sky,
   Whenever I feel the rain on my face
   Or the wind as it rushes by,
   Whenever I touch a velvet rose
   Or walk by our lilac tree,
   I'm glad that I live in this beautiful world
   Heav'nly Father created for me.
2. 2. He gave me my eyes that I might see
   The color of butterfly wings.
   He gave me my ears that I might hear
   The magical sound of things.
   He gave me my life, my mind, my heart:
   I thank him rev'rently
   For all his creations, of which I'm a part.
   Yes, I know Heav'nly Father loves me.
3. Words and music: Clara W. McMaster, 1904-1997. (c) 1961 IRI. Arr. (c) 1989 IRI
   
   
   This is how I am feeling today. Heavenly Father's love is all around us.

Some of My Testimony

I was reading the scriptures tonight and pondering some things and I just feel the desire to share part of my testimony. Doing so is kind of scary, but I love sharing what I know to be true (thus, why I have this blog).

I know God is real. Lately He's been reminding me that He is the one in control. I foolishly forget that at times. He has a plan for each one of us. And He will be there to help us and strengthen us throughout our lives. We are not alone.

I am the first to admit I am not the smartest person. I am not a scriptorian by any means. I know I still have a lot to learn in the scriptures. But I know the amazing feeling I feel when I sincerely and humbly read them. I know that the scriptures are the word of God.

I know Jesus Christ is our Savior. He took upon Him our sins, pains, sicknesses, etc. I know I don't even comprehend the smallest part of what He went through. But, I am so thankful He was willing to do that. Lately I've been thinking about when He was in the Garden of Gethsemane and said, "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." (Luke 22:42.) What an amazing, humble man. He set a perfect example. I think of this as in my life I am trying to get to the point where I can fully, truly say, "nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." That is hard. It is so hard when Heavenly Father's will is not to remove the cup from us. But our Savior was able to do that.

I know we have a Father in Heaven. God is real. I don't understand how anyone can not believe in God. Our very lives - our being on this earth - is evidence there is a God.

This is part of my testimony for now. I hope that by sharing what I know to be true I may help others feel the Spirit in their lives and reflect on their own knowledge and testimony.

If you want to know more of what I believe, don't hesitate to ask me. I love sharing my beliefs! :)

Satan's Lies

Satan is a good liar. Probably the best one there is. Lately I've realized he works so hard on us. I think one of his greatest lies is to tell us we're not enough. Not smart enough, not pretty enough, not wealthy enough, the list goes on and on. 

I'm thankful for Heavenly Father's reminder to look in the mirror and remember who I truly am. I am enough. I am a daughter of God. I am not perfect. I am flawed. I fall short in many ways. I may not be the smartest or most beautiful or wealthiest, but I am His. He sees my divine potential. He knows my heart. 

And He loves me for who I am.

Quiet Time

I love my quiet alone time. And I'm so lucky to have a lot of it. I've realized I should cherish every moment of it. One day I will probably have a house full of noisy little kiddos begging for my attention and I'm sure my quiet time will be a lot less. So, there's a huge blessing of being single- my alone time. :)

But anyway, I love my quiet time because it gives me the opportunity to ponder and reflect. I think a lot. (Probably too much, but that's a different story.) And I've come to a conclusion- pondering brings gratitude. I've seen how I've recognized the Lord's hand in my life more as I've pondered. Which isn't surprising. Obviously we're not going to be attentive to Him if we are preoccupied.

I've been so grateful as I've thought about how He has blessed me and guided my life and allowed me to have certain experiences and meet certain people. 

Pondering has brought me peace, gratitude and happiness. And definitely closer to The Lord. 

God's Glory

This is truth. Pretty sure this is why I love traveling and photography. 

A Bright Future

Tonight I just really felt the truthfulness of this in my heart. There are wonderful things ahead. I just have to have faith. 

(Quote by Thomas S. Monson)

It Could Be Worse

"No matter how bad you think your life is, there is always someone who has it worse." My mom has said this and it has stuck with me. It's true. 

Just thinking of this tonight as I read some blogs of people who are dealing with challenges that seem much, much greater than the things I deal with.

My life is really so good.